The Scaffold - Part 1

Ladies! Say this loud: “I am an architect!” Powerful statement, isn’t it? EMpowering. You are focused on the creative task of envisioning, planning, and attaining your dream for your own life. Perhaps you might say you’re restoring or renovating an original work of art. A masterpiece. THE Master’s piece. Your life. It’s never too late to reveal more of the Master’s wonderful design or to reclaim your birthrights.

Like any architect you will benefit from having the right tools to work with. I never imagined that the way someone described my role would help me to share with YOU about one of those “right tools”. This tool will be invaluable to you as you transform your life. IF, you know how to choose it, and how to use it.

He Called Me A Scaffold I offered my time and talent to a pastor who accepted my offer and explained my assignment to his congregation. Adopting a statement from Pastor TD Jakes, his explanation of my assignment went something like this:

Some people come into your life to help you with what you are trying to build. They are like a scaffold. They are there for a time to support you while you build. But they are not meant to stay. They must come down.

My sister, I would like to help you recognize, optimize and properly dissolve one of the most important roles you can have in your life during your personal renovation period. I have walked with and held the hands of people on their journey to regaining their joy. What was my role? I served as a temporary scaffold. A scaffold is the person that can help keep you steady and focused when you need it.

Let me be very transparent. As a scaffold for someone else, I have not personally been through everything others have gone through. A cancer diagnosis, physical misuse, manipulation, racism, emotional scars and regrets carried for years that led to dysfunction? Yes, I’ve been there. On the other hand, I’ve never been divorced. So, I can't tell anyone going through a divorce what to expect based on my personal experience. My son is alive and well. So, I can't tell a mother watching a child succumb to an illness how I recovered from such a devastating the loss. I can't help some women calculate any of the emotional cost the way I can others. So what did I do as a scaffold? I stood with and listen to women who were rebuilding their lives. I held their hands. I prayed with and for them. I encouraged and cheered them on as they worked on doing whatever was necessary to live fulfilling lives despite what they had been through.

Everyone is not a scaffold – even if they love you. That doesn't make them less of a friend. No one can be a scaffold all the time. No one. No one should need a scaffold all the time. This is why it is important to understand what to expect (and not expect) from a scaffold.

Recognizing A Good Scaffold ​​

A scaffold helps you to stay steady and focused

I’m not telling you anything you don’t know when I say everyone won’t be able to support you as you rise. It’s obvious that a person who doesn’t care about you won’t support you. What about those that do care about you? How does a true scaffold for you stand out among people who care about you? Here is an analogy that I think will help you. I once participated in a peaceful protest march with some of my family members and friends. My first. I was nervous and not sure how effective or confrontational it would be. But, I refused to know a change was needed yet do nothing except complain about the need while criticizing the people who were willing to do SOMETHING. There were all types of distractions before and during the march. The day before the march, members of my very close-knit family began to voice disagreement with each other about whether or not the march was the best thing to do. Though we love one another dearly, the discussion became intense. Those of us that planned to go began defending our decision. (Did we really need to defend our decision? Wasn’t it a personal decision?) At the march, people were angry with us for the inconvenience our need for change was causing them. (Are you experiencing that?) People screamed in our faces and cursed at us. I quickly went from feeling brave to feeling nervous about what those who opposed what I was doing might do. Here’s what else went through my head: what some of my loved ones said the night before. I knew that if anything bad happened, certain loved ones would say, “I tried to tell you not to do it.” (Do you have loved ones discouraging you because what you’re doing isn’t what they would do?) But, as we marched, someone started rhythmically chanting, “STAY FOCUSED”, over and over.

Those 2 words quickly arrested my concerns and helped me stay steady and strong. I loved it, needed it, and joined in for myself. That is what a scaffold will do for you. Rather than only feeding you their insecurities about your decisions, they will remind you to stay focused. They will redirect you to your inner strength so that when you need to, you can encourage yourself.